You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
