Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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