let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
