He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
