not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
