can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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