Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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