It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
