just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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