Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
