No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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