im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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