OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
