we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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