just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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