As shirtless as possible
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
