broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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