Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize