Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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