Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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