So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
