I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
