I heard we made out
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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