If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
