I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
