HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
