final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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