I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
