guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
