just tell him i said nine months
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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