I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
