i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
