yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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