What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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