Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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