If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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