I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
