so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
