How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
