Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
