Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
