Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
