my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
