It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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