Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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