it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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