If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
