omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
