OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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