I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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