I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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